Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Little spoons don't ask big questions
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
