is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
