well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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