by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
