we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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