I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize