so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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