I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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