Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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