What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
