I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
