If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
