I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
