he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
