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Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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