Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
