He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize