How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
