Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
