i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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