put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
