they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
