it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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