there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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