i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
