So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
