Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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