my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I have already put on my inside pants.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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