There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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