I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
