All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
