My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
