just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
