I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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