What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
