she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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