So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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