I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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