I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
