over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize