im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
