they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
