I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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