I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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