What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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