We named our party play list daddy issues
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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