once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
