I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize