just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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