Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
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