I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
