Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
