Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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