I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
