Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
