You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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