Already got asked if we're dating
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize