Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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