Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I enjoy the company of your penis
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
