their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
