i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
