it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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